You implemented Intended OS. You were excited. Things started well. And then... they didn't. The family meetings stopped. The chore chart went ignored. The routines fell apart.
You're not alone. Every system encounters resistance and breakdown. The question isn't whether problems will arise — it's how you diagnose and fix them.
Common Problems & Solutions
Problem: "Nobody's following the system"
The system exists on paper but not in practice. People aren't using it.
- Was the system co-created or imposed? People follow systems they helped build.
- Is it visible? Put it where people can't ignore it.
- Is it too complicated? Simplify ruthlessly.
- Are there consequences for not following it? Natural consequences help.
- Are YOU modeling it? Leaders go first.
Problem: "We started strong but fizzled out"
Initial enthusiasm didn't translate to lasting habit.
- Did you try to change too much at once? Pick ONE thing and master it first.
- Did you stop when it got hard? The 3-week mark is often the hardest — push through.
- Did life disrupt it? Acknowledge the disruption, then restart. That's normal.
- Was there no accountability? Weekly check-ins keep systems alive.
Problem: "My partner isn't on board"
One person is driving change; the other is resistant or passive.
- Did you discuss the WHY before the HOW? Start with shared pain points.
- Are you asking them to adopt YOUR system? Co-create instead.
- Are you being preachy? Nobody likes being "improved."
- Can you start with something they care about? Find their pain point.
- Model it yourself first. Success is contagious.
Problem: "The kids resist everything"
Kids aren't buying into the system and are pushing back.
- Were they part of creating it? Kids follow rules they helped make.
- Is it age-appropriate? Adjust expectations.
- Are there clear consequences and rewards? Make them matter.
- Are you consistent? Inconsistency breeds resistance.
- Is there some autonomy? Let them choose HOW, even if WHAT is non-negotiable.
Problem: "We can't find time for weekly meetings"
The meeting keeps getting skipped or deprioritized.
- Is it on the calendar? Block it like any other appointment.
- Is the time realistic? Maybe 30 minutes at dinner works better than a separate meeting.
- Does everyone see the value? If it's just "another thing," it will be cut. Make it valuable.
- Can you shorten it? 15 minutes is better than nothing.
- Try combining it with something else: family dinner, car ride, etc.
Problem: "We're drowning and can't implement anything"
Life is in crisis mode and there's no bandwidth for systems.
- This is not the time for new systems. Survive first.
- Focus on ONE thing: either the highest-impact or the lowest-effort.
- Lower standards temporarily. Good enough is good enough.
- Get external help if possible — this isn't weakness.
- Bookmark Intended OS and return when the crisis passes.
The Resistance Patterns
"We're not a corporation"
This objection comes up a lot. The concern: making family life feel cold and business-like.
The truth: The goal isn't to run your family like a corporation. It's to borrow tools that create clarity and reduce friction. You use what helps; you leave what doesn't. The structure enables warmth — it doesn't replace it.
"This is too rigid"
Worry that systems eliminate spontaneity and joy.
The truth: Good systems create space for spontaneity by handling the mundane. When you're not fighting about who does dishes, you have energy for fun. Routines for the basics, flexibility for the rest.
"It won't work for our family"
Belief that your situation is unique and systems won't apply.
The truth: Every family is unique. That's why these are frameworks, not scripts. Adapt them. Take what works. Leave what doesn't. The principles are universal; the application is personal.
"We've tried stuff like this before"
Past failures create skepticism about new attempts.
The truth: What specifically didn't work before? Why? Use past failures as data. Maybe you tried too much. Maybe there was no buy-in. Diagnose the past before dismissing the future.
The Reset Protocol
Sometimes you need to start over. Not from zero, but from a clean slate.
How to Reset
- Acknowledge the breakdown — "Our system fell apart. That's okay. Let's restart."
- Analyze what went wrong — Not to blame, but to learn. What patterns do you see?
- Decide what to keep — What was working? Don't throw out good with the bad.
- Simplify dramatically — This time, start with less. One routine. One meeting. One habit.
- Get fresh buy-in — Have the conversation again. Why does this matter?
- Set a review date — "Let's try this for 4 weeks and evaluate."
When to Seek Help
Signs You Need Outside Support
- The same issues keep recurring despite multiple attempts
- Conflict is escalating or becoming harmful
- Someone in the family is really struggling (depression, anxiety, acting out)
- You feel hopeless about things improving
- Communication has completely broken down
- There are issues beyond normal family friction (addiction, abuse, serious mental health)
Family therapy, couples counseling, or individual therapy aren't admissions of failure. They're investments in your family's health. Get help early — small problems are easier to fix.
The Long View
Intended OS isn't a one-time implementation. It's an ongoing practice. There will be seasons when everything hums along and seasons when everything falls apart. Both are normal.
What matters is:
- Returning to the system when you drift away
- Adjusting the system as your family evolves
- Keeping the conversation open about what's working and what isn't
- Giving yourself grace when things don't work
Progress, Not Perfection
The goal isn't a perfectly systematized family. It's a family that's a little more aligned, a little less chaotic, and a little more intentional than before. Small improvements compound. Celebrate the progress, not just the destination.
"The system isn't the point. The family is the point. The system is just a tool to help the family thrive."
Start Again
If you're reading this article, something isn't working. That's useful information. Now you can diagnose, adjust, and try again.
Pick one problem from this article that resonates. Apply the prescription. Give it three weeks. Then evaluate. That's all this is — experiment, learn, adjust, repeat.
Your family is worth the effort. The system will serve you if you let it evolve with you.